What missionaries won't say-about going back to their "home" country

As I am preparing to go to the States in a few days, I am feeling overwhelmed already. Most people probably assume that when missionaries return to their home country, either on a short visit or a furlough, that it is an much-anticipated time. And it is, kinda. I very much anticipate seeing my family and friends, worshiping in my sending church (HPC), and eating all the yummy foods that I've missed (sushi, Zaxby's!!) but there is a part of me that has to gear up for what lies ahead.

I have written this blog so you can hopefully understand your missionary (whether it's me or not) more and be sensitive to the struggles that they might be feeling when they return. I hope it doesn't come across as whiny or ungrateful but these are the real feelings that we experience.

*We have two homes and we don't feel as if we belong in either

We have our first home and now we have our current home, where we are serving. Living as a foreigner in a new country is hard. As much as you learn the culture, learn the language, even marry a local (as I did) you still feel as if you don't belong at times. You are always an outsider, you always stand out. But when we go back to our first home, we realize we really don't belong there either. Our hearts are not there because we have been called to a new place. Nothing stays the same in the first country so it's easy to feel left-out or left-behind when going back to visit.

*Culture of excess

Most missionaries come from first-world countries that thrive in excess. It is really hard to return to these cultures and not be overwhelmed or frustrated by it. So often people tell us that they would love to help our ministry but they don't have extra money so it's hard to see the excessive lifestyle (by our definition) that they live that is pretty mainstream in the States.

*Finances

When we return to our first homes it is really hard to accomplish all that we need to because we don't have the money to do it. We live so minimally on the mission field because we hate asking for money and most people only donate to the ministry-not to the missionary families-so when we return we don't have any money. But we still have things like our health, electronic devices, and government paperwork that require money to fix or process (I'm already quite stressed about my list of items on this to-do list that I have to attend to!).

Plus, we need to get resources for the ministry and needed supplies for our family, but again we don't have money. Most people only think that they should donate to the ministry but the reality is, missionary families need money all year to live in these countries. Find out how your missionary wants you to give to the family-because it's usually not the same avenue as donating to the ministry itself.

*We hate asking for money

Let's be honest. Out of sight, out of mind is a true statement for missionaries. The people in their first home tend to forget about them over time and the support for the ministry or family falls off so when we go back to our first home, we are forced to fund raise. We hate fund raising. We hate asking for money and we know God provides but very rarely does He provide by random people deciding to write big checks, usually He provides through us asking.

*Life goes on for everyone else

Again, out of sight, out of mind applies here. We go back to our first homes wanting to connect with everyone and not sit at home by ourselves but the reality is people are busy and most don't make time for visiting missionaries. Just like we don't like asking for money, we don't like asking people to hang out with us. For one, we feel as if we are nagging but also we feel like if people wanted to connect with us, they would ask so if they haven't that must mean they don't want to. But the other problem is time. If people do want to hang out it's usually on weeknights because of their work schedules but it becomes a problem when people only want to connect on weeknights. Weeknights and weekends are usually when we spend time with our families. Being able to meet for breakfast or lunch during the week is the optimal time but again, most people work during the day so it's a struggle.

*It's hard for us to hear about your family vacations and trips

We would love to go on family vacations, have weekends with our spouse, have weekends of spiritual refreshment, take our kids on trips but we can't so sometimes it's hard for us to hear about all the trips you take. Yes, we should work on our own jealousy issues but it's reality.

So how can you help? Talk to your visiting missionaries, give them words of encouragement, let them know you are praying for them, invite them for lunch. Bless them with gift cards to local stores or restaurants (but ask them what they prefer) or bless them with cash so they can go to the doctor and get their electronics fixed. Support their ministry. But most importantly, love on them.